Behavioural synchrony and rapport

I found a fascinating paper published a few months ago: 'Strangers in synch: Achieving embodied rapport through behavioural synchrony'. The authors did a social experiment where they turned strangers into lifelong friends in 45 minutes through 'induced closeness' and then recorded their movements on video. The interesting thing is that when they watched the videos, the people who had gone through the 'induced closeness' procedure were moving differently to the people who just sat next to each other and did some copy-editing. They were moving in synch.

Postural mirroring
This paper reminded me of a book I listened to recently "How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less". It's based on the 'science' of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). One thing I was quite sceptical about in the book was the idea of 'mirroring' people's body language to make them like you. The claim is that if you 'mirror' someone's movements (e.g. they put their left hand in their pocket, you put your right hand in your pocket), they will unconsciously fall into rapport with you (start liking you).

It sounded a bit bogus to me at the time. Is body language really a reflection of someone's emotional state? What about if you're cold and you cross your arms to keep warm? However, after reading this paper I'm intrigued.

Correlation or causation

Nicholas Booth, the author talks about meeting his gruff neighbour who has arms crossed. Nicholas crosses his arms and suddenly the guy asks him to come over for dinner. Amazing! But where's the hard evidence?

The big question is 'is there a causatory link between behavioural synchrony and rapport?'. I reckon there might be. I have had a few experiences like Nick too.

Causatory mechanism: mirror neurons
The orginal NLP dudes came up with the idea of mirroring based on empirical evidence decades ago. They looked at slow-mo videos of families eating dinner together and noticed how they moved in synch (e.g. drinking water one after the other). They didn't have a solid idea of why behavioural synchrony would have anything to do with rapport.

Now scientists might have figured out an explanation: mirror neurons. The classic example of mirror neurons is that study where a lab assistant ate an icecream in front of a monkey with wires in its brain and the screen LIT UP even though the monkey was sitting still. The idea is that just watching someone do something activates the same circuits as when you do it yourself.

Interestingly, mirror neurons also seem to be responsible for empathy. If you watch someone get punched in the face, you 'feel their pain'. Their face becomes part of your body.

Researchers speculate that this aspect of mirror neurons is why they relate to rapport. If you see someone with the same body posture as you, your mirror neurons trick you into thinking that they are an extension of yourself. When it comes down to it, that's what 'liking' someone means - you see them as like you, a part of yourself.

How to use this knowledge
Ok so now you know that moving in synch with someone else will help create a connection between you. So what? Let's cover two scenarios:

Scenario 1: open body language

You go up to someone and introduce yourself. They're looking very relaxed. They're smiling and they have open body language.

Great! Copy them! Relax yourself. You don't need to do much else. Watch how they stand. If they've got one hand in their pocket, do the same. Be subtle about it. If you go over the top (e.g. they stick their finger in their ear, you do the same), they'll notice!

Scenario 2: closed body language

Ooh this is where behavioural synchrony really comes into play. If you meet someone with their arms crossed and a miserable expression on their face, you're going to have a very hard time connecting with them. Closed body language equals closed communcation channels.

Your goal is to get them to open up. To do so, you can gradually lead them out of the closed body language. Start by mirroring their stance. For example, if they've got their arms crossed, cross yours too. Hold that stance for a bit and then experiment with pulling them out of it. Stretch your arms out behind your head and give them a bit of a shake around. Stay in that relaxed stance for a while and watch what happens. If you're lucky, they'll uncross their arms too. If not, you will need to go back to crossing your arms and try other methods of rapport.